This is meant to be fun, so please NO MORE HUMAN SACRIFICES!
1) Stanford: The Cardinal are clearly a cut above everyone else in the league – they run the ball with startling tenacity and efficiency, are pretty good at stopping the run and Kevin Hogan is playing within himself. This is a team that looks like it is holding reservations at the CFB Playoffs – only a hiccup like David Shaw getting unnecessarily conservative is likely to derail them. Up next: A trap game, late night in the Palouse against a surprising Coug squad.
2) There is no #2 team in the Pac 12, although several teams look like #2, if you know what I mean.
3) tie – USC: In handling the Utes, the Trojans surprised only themselves. And possibly a sobering former coach. Everyone else knew they had the talent to win the division, if not the conference. With an embarrassment of Offensive playmakers and a mostly embarrassing D, the Trojans can still make a mediocre bowl game (thanks ,Tom Hansen, for those great match ups!) but their fans are far more interested in the speculation of who will be their next coach. Me too. Up next: Early game at Kal will be a test for their suspect pass D.
3) tie - Utah: I wasn’t the only one who knew that the Utes were due to drop – has a #3 ever been a 7 point ‘dog in Vegas to an unranked team? I don’t know, but the Fighting Rodney Dangerfields finally had luck run out on them and turnovers provide their undoing instead of their salvation. They escaped close games against Kal and ASU in SLC, but the road is treacherous for Utah. The burning question: Now that Travis Wilson’s feet have touched Earth again, with the reality that he’s not very good come crashing down on the whole team? Probably not, because they’re still a physical team that can play D and run the football (well, usually, but they haven’t the last 2 weeks). Up next: Booker runs wild on a bye week disguised as a home game against Oregon State. I predict a final of 65-6.
4) Kal: Speaking of coming back to Earth… the Baby Bears were roughed up by the Other Baby Bears last Thursday in the Rose Bowl. Not surprising considering they are one-dimensional on offense and their defense is really awful. Still, Jared Goff is special, but he’s not good enough to keep Kal from dropping like a stone. I predict they lose 4 of their last 5 to finish off a once-promising season (5-0 start) at 6-6. Editor’ Note: At the time of publication, Sonny Dykes was still a crummy football coach: Allowing/encouraging his meal ticket to take designed runs against UCLA late was a bad, bad idea. Up next: Kal gets to lose their first game in front of a home crowd this season, when USC comes to run all over them.
5) tie – ASU: It’s hard to justify placing the Sun Devils so high, considering how bad their offense has looked this season – except when they beat UCLA, when it looked somewhat decent – but the defensive front 7 is coming on strong and special teams are becoming a strength. Todd Graham is still flashing his wristbands with the fervor of a team in the thick of the hunt, although ASU is on the outside looking in at the conference race since they lost to Utah. Up next: Devils host a Thursday night affair against Oregon, who has beaten them like they owe money for a long, long time.
5) tie – Oregon: Ducks have picked themselves up off the mat after such a stunning fall from grace – after losing 3 games in a regular season (at the mid-way point, no less) and have healed up after a bye week. They’re too good to jump into the Chip Kelly Sweepstakes after this season, but they’re probably bad enough to take another loss or 2. Maybe 3. At least they’ll win the Civil War again. Up next: It might be hard to recognize either team Thursday at Sun Devil Stadium with new uniform combos all around.
5) tie – UCLA: The Split Personality Bruins are set to star in a remake of Sybil. Who knows what to expect from the Westwooders in any given week, other than they will have players collapse and need to be carted off the field? Jim Mora may be able to (rightfully) suggest 45 player medical retirements after this season. Problem is, they have some challenging games first. Up next: Bruins host Colorado in a game that will be seen by hundreds. Wait. CU + noon start + Pac 12 Network = game that will be seen by dozens.
8) Wazzu: What do you get when you cross a horse with a donkey? You get a mule, dumb@ss. That doesn’t really have anything to do with the Cougs, but there you go anyway. If you crossed the Wazzu passing attack with a capable running game, you’d really have something. Mike Leach is a genius – with an affinity for many things outside football – and probably a master at animal husbandry but he wants nothing to do with mixing in a running attack in his offense. Shame because that’s really the only way you climb out of the bottom half a league like the Pac 12. Also, playing defense on occasion would be nice. Oh well. Up next: Wazzu gets to see if Christian McCaffrey can run for 250 yards in the first half against them, late on Saturday night where strange things have happened in the Palouse in November. Problem is that Saturday is October 31st. And Leach will be dressed as a Pirate who got his friggin’ frigate sunk.
9) Washington: The Huskies have a pretty good defense and that’s where the niceties stop. They’re a team that will need some breaks to finish at 6-6. Not breaks like their broken offense, either, which wouldn’t even strike fear into a Pee Wee League defense. They have talent on D but need turnovers that are turned into points on a Pick Six or Scoop-N-Score. Jake Browning is a pretty good freshman QB that has a great chance to be a sophomore QB next season. Don’t know what else to say about the UW O. Up next: The Huskies get to host Arizona, a team without a defense, in what could be an entertaining game. If you had absolutely no life and nothing better to do late on Halloween night.
10) tie – Truckstop U: Scheduling Wazzu for Homecoming seemed like such a great plan but this is the portrait of a bad football team, whose 5-3 record looks pretty good until you realize the 3 OOC wins were cupcakes and they’ve beaten Oregon State and squeaked by CU. The Wil_cats have substantial weapons on offense, although they haven’t scored enough against quality opponents. Any points they do score are quickly surrendered by their defense – a unit that would be outmanned in the Border conference, which has been defunct since 1963. Part of the issue is injuries, but RichRod hasn’t recruited good talent on the D. I’m sure he enjoys his name being bandied about for coaching vacancies – right up until his team nose dives to end the season. Up next: Three of the last 4 are roadies – and all against teams that could crush their spines – but the Truckstoppers go Trick or Treating in Seattle first.
10) tie – Colorado: First the good news – Buffs got their winless in the Pac streak over with, and a road win nonetheless. Bad news: Larry Scott will not allow them to schedule multiple games against Oregon State. So that appears to be the end of the winnable portion of the schedule. If CU has another surprise in them, it’s likely that it would be against Wazzu. Although they typically play the Utards tough at the end of the season. Up next: An early start at UCLA means they don’t even get a full week to enjoy their 1 win.
12) Oregon State: If you ran across a Beaver that stinks as bad as Gary Andersen’s team, you’d call an Uber to take her away and never speak to her again. It’s hard to put a finger on (hey, I know what you’re thinking) what OSU is worst at: they cannot throw the ball well at all, but they also cannot score. And their defense is bad. USC and ASU are kicking themselves for missing out on beating them like a piñata. Up next: Season mercilessly marches on with a trip to SLC against a team that will be excited to greet them. You don’t get much Beaver up in SLC from what I hear.
1) Stanford: The Cardinal are clearly a cut above everyone else in the league – they run the ball with startling tenacity and efficiency, are pretty good at stopping the run and Kevin Hogan is playing within himself. This is a team that looks like it is holding reservations at the CFB Playoffs – only a hiccup like David Shaw getting unnecessarily conservative is likely to derail them. Up next: A trap game, late night in the Palouse against a surprising Coug squad.
2) There is no #2 team in the Pac 12, although several teams look like #2, if you know what I mean.
3) tie – USC: In handling the Utes, the Trojans surprised only themselves. And possibly a sobering former coach. Everyone else knew they had the talent to win the division, if not the conference. With an embarrassment of Offensive playmakers and a mostly embarrassing D, the Trojans can still make a mediocre bowl game (thanks ,Tom Hansen, for those great match ups!) but their fans are far more interested in the speculation of who will be their next coach. Me too. Up next: Early game at Kal will be a test for their suspect pass D.
3) tie - Utah: I wasn’t the only one who knew that the Utes were due to drop – has a #3 ever been a 7 point ‘dog in Vegas to an unranked team? I don’t know, but the Fighting Rodney Dangerfields finally had luck run out on them and turnovers provide their undoing instead of their salvation. They escaped close games against Kal and ASU in SLC, but the road is treacherous for Utah. The burning question: Now that Travis Wilson’s feet have touched Earth again, with the reality that he’s not very good come crashing down on the whole team? Probably not, because they’re still a physical team that can play D and run the football (well, usually, but they haven’t the last 2 weeks). Up next: Booker runs wild on a bye week disguised as a home game against Oregon State. I predict a final of 65-6.
4) Kal: Speaking of coming back to Earth… the Baby Bears were roughed up by the Other Baby Bears last Thursday in the Rose Bowl. Not surprising considering they are one-dimensional on offense and their defense is really awful. Still, Jared Goff is special, but he’s not good enough to keep Kal from dropping like a stone. I predict they lose 4 of their last 5 to finish off a once-promising season (5-0 start) at 6-6. Editor’ Note: At the time of publication, Sonny Dykes was still a crummy football coach: Allowing/encouraging his meal ticket to take designed runs against UCLA late was a bad, bad idea. Up next: Kal gets to lose their first game in front of a home crowd this season, when USC comes to run all over them.
5) tie – ASU: It’s hard to justify placing the Sun Devils so high, considering how bad their offense has looked this season – except when they beat UCLA, when it looked somewhat decent – but the defensive front 7 is coming on strong and special teams are becoming a strength. Todd Graham is still flashing his wristbands with the fervor of a team in the thick of the hunt, although ASU is on the outside looking in at the conference race since they lost to Utah. Up next: Devils host a Thursday night affair against Oregon, who has beaten them like they owe money for a long, long time.
5) tie – Oregon: Ducks have picked themselves up off the mat after such a stunning fall from grace – after losing 3 games in a regular season (at the mid-way point, no less) and have healed up after a bye week. They’re too good to jump into the Chip Kelly Sweepstakes after this season, but they’re probably bad enough to take another loss or 2. Maybe 3. At least they’ll win the Civil War again. Up next: It might be hard to recognize either team Thursday at Sun Devil Stadium with new uniform combos all around.
5) tie – UCLA: The Split Personality Bruins are set to star in a remake of Sybil. Who knows what to expect from the Westwooders in any given week, other than they will have players collapse and need to be carted off the field? Jim Mora may be able to (rightfully) suggest 45 player medical retirements after this season. Problem is, they have some challenging games first. Up next: Bruins host Colorado in a game that will be seen by hundreds. Wait. CU + noon start + Pac 12 Network = game that will be seen by dozens.
8) Wazzu: What do you get when you cross a horse with a donkey? You get a mule, dumb@ss. That doesn’t really have anything to do with the Cougs, but there you go anyway. If you crossed the Wazzu passing attack with a capable running game, you’d really have something. Mike Leach is a genius – with an affinity for many things outside football – and probably a master at animal husbandry but he wants nothing to do with mixing in a running attack in his offense. Shame because that’s really the only way you climb out of the bottom half a league like the Pac 12. Also, playing defense on occasion would be nice. Oh well. Up next: Wazzu gets to see if Christian McCaffrey can run for 250 yards in the first half against them, late on Saturday night where strange things have happened in the Palouse in November. Problem is that Saturday is October 31st. And Leach will be dressed as a Pirate who got his friggin’ frigate sunk.
9) Washington: The Huskies have a pretty good defense and that’s where the niceties stop. They’re a team that will need some breaks to finish at 6-6. Not breaks like their broken offense, either, which wouldn’t even strike fear into a Pee Wee League defense. They have talent on D but need turnovers that are turned into points on a Pick Six or Scoop-N-Score. Jake Browning is a pretty good freshman QB that has a great chance to be a sophomore QB next season. Don’t know what else to say about the UW O. Up next: The Huskies get to host Arizona, a team without a defense, in what could be an entertaining game. If you had absolutely no life and nothing better to do late on Halloween night.
10) tie – Truckstop U: Scheduling Wazzu for Homecoming seemed like such a great plan but this is the portrait of a bad football team, whose 5-3 record looks pretty good until you realize the 3 OOC wins were cupcakes and they’ve beaten Oregon State and squeaked by CU. The Wil_cats have substantial weapons on offense, although they haven’t scored enough against quality opponents. Any points they do score are quickly surrendered by their defense – a unit that would be outmanned in the Border conference, which has been defunct since 1963. Part of the issue is injuries, but RichRod hasn’t recruited good talent on the D. I’m sure he enjoys his name being bandied about for coaching vacancies – right up until his team nose dives to end the season. Up next: Three of the last 4 are roadies – and all against teams that could crush their spines – but the Truckstoppers go Trick or Treating in Seattle first.
10) tie – Colorado: First the good news – Buffs got their winless in the Pac streak over with, and a road win nonetheless. Bad news: Larry Scott will not allow them to schedule multiple games against Oregon State. So that appears to be the end of the winnable portion of the schedule. If CU has another surprise in them, it’s likely that it would be against Wazzu. Although they typically play the Utards tough at the end of the season. Up next: An early start at UCLA means they don’t even get a full week to enjoy their 1 win.
12) Oregon State: If you ran across a Beaver that stinks as bad as Gary Andersen’s team, you’d call an Uber to take her away and never speak to her again. It’s hard to put a finger on (hey, I know what you’re thinking) what OSU is worst at: they cannot throw the ball well at all, but they also cannot score. And their defense is bad. USC and ASU are kicking themselves for missing out on beating them like a piñata. Up next: Season mercilessly marches on with a trip to SLC against a team that will be excited to greet them. You don’t get much Beaver up in SLC from what I hear.
