Chaos has ensued – teams have been vanquished, playoff dreams for the conference crushed. Larry Scott has closed the Pac 12 borders in hope to find those responsible and severely punish them. Unless it is him. Or his referees.
1) Stanford: You can chalk it up to parity or you can face facts: The Pac 12 just doesn’t have a CFB Playoff-worthy team this year. The Tree probably should have been tagged with a loss at Wazzu two weeks back, but even Pac 12 refs couldn’t save them from a loss to the Ducks this week. Once again, Stanford looked merely pedestrian in a game they penciled in as a win on their way to the playoffs several weeks ago. David Shaw will contemplate many scenarios over the off-season, including what might have been if the Cardinal hadn’t put the ball on the ground two times late in the game on QB-center exchanges. Up next: Kal visits Palo Alto for the Big Game rivalry – will they face a pissed off or sulking ‘Furd? Will it matter?
2) Oregon: Who ordered the Duck Flambé? The Quack Attack caught fire in the closing moments in Tempe, two weeks ago, pulling off a couple improbable wins since then. This is the UO team most people expected to see from the get go. In a stark contrast of styles, explosive quick strikes outlasted the ‘Furd Grinder, launching them into sudden North contention. It’s probably too little, too late for the Ducks to win the division but they’re hitting on (almost) all cylinders down the stretch and their D has been good enough to keep them hot. Up next: Uniform combo is probably the team’s biggest question mark in Eugene this week as the Trojans limp into town.
3) Wazzu: The Pirate deserves worse because I almost had to re-shuffle my ranking after midnight, when he Coug’d the game – up 5, in scoring position and he dials up a deep ball that got picked? Wazzu almost lost by a Nose, but managed to stun the Bruins in dramatic fashion behind the arm of SuperSoph Luke Falk. In most seasons, the Cougs would be fighting for bowl eligibility but in a year where the Pac 12 is circling the sewer drain, the Palouse Posse is the third best team and conference power rests solidly in the North once again. Can Leach use this season to vault into a higher-profile job? Oh, the drama. Up next: Cougs host a CU squad that just can’t seem to finish games but has made several teams sweat out a victory.
4) USC: Speaking of sweating out a close one against the Buffs, the Trojans must’ve thought a Friday night game meant they should play like high schoolers. Very few teams can say they overcame a 14-point deficit to CU because very, very few teams have found themselves in that position for many, many years. USC should quit relying on extreme talent advantages to win the game or they might be stuck on 7 wins for a while. Like 10 more months. A stiffening schedule and banged up big bodies doesn’t usually add up to success – even for teams that execute properly. Up next: Will the Trojans see a solid effort or a bunch of neon blurs in Oregon this week? Pass the Visene.
5) tie – Utah: I, and anyone with a ranking anywhere, have been waiting all season to justifiably downgrade the Utards. Imagine my mortification when it comes at the benefit of Truckstop U, but such has been the entirety of the 2015 Pac 12 season – a kiss on the lips followed quickly by a sharp knee to the groin. Travis Wilson looked downright feeble in the 4th quarter and OT periods against the Wildcats. That Kyle Whittingham chose to run a dinged-up Devontae Booker laterally instead of inside against a decimated ‘Zona defense is a head-scratcher. Still, the Utes had a chance to win on two drives late but choked it away on a fumble and a dropped pass. Down the stretch depth issues that have plagued Utah their entire Pac existence are creeping up in the form of tired legs and it could be a rough finish. Up next: Bruins come to SLC, where the Utards are much tougher, in a game both squads need to stay in the South race.
5) tie – UCLA: The Bruins are the Cheese Nips of the Pac 12. The ingredients should add up to something better than they are. It’s hard to decipher where exactly things went off the tracks but you’re just left with a greasy aftertaste. I wonder if that nasty flavor is the reason for Jim Mora Jr.’s constant scowl or if he practices for hours in front of a mirror. Sure, PermaScowl could blame losses on Ishmael Adams (who re-instated that guy to the team anyway?) or key injuries but since those happened months ago, it may just be that UCLA lacks synergy. They sure do have a good FG kicker, though. Up next: Pac 12 roadies are tough, but the Bruins are actually better away from Pasadena. Not sure if that applies to a place like Utah, with a tough home crowd. Jeez, I hope Mora doesn’t have to look into the sun again!
7) tie – ASU: As if the previous 9 games weren’t enough of an indication, you know it’s not your year when 2 defensive starters are lost for the game on a single play. Despite trailing 17-0, the Sun Devils found their second-half groove against the Huskies, but they’ve been unable to sustain momentum all season long. Up next: A year removed from deciding the South title, the 2015 Territorial Cup game is an Ugly Contest. There’s no glory to be had this year, even for the winners. To the victor goes sole possession of 7th place in my ranking. Hooray.
7) tie – Truckstop U: Meth production down in the Old Pueblo must be on the increase, both in quantity and quality – otherwise it’s really difficult to explain the ‘Cats ability to keep it close vs. USC and shock Utah. Maybe Rich Rod realized he’s not going to be a candidate for any of the good job openings and started trying again. In any case, the kittens are bowl eligible and looking to keep their big brothers from doing the same in the conference’s nastiest rivalry. Up next: Truckstoppers take a break from cleaning out the slurpee machines to head up the I-10 – any excuse to get out of Tucson is a treat.
7) tie – Kal: Sorry if this seems like a cop out but I don’t have anything good to say about the Baby Bears, so I’ll just stick to facts. Sonny Dykes isn’t a very good head coach but Jared Goff is a really good QB. He’s great against terrible teams. That’s why he was brilliant against Oregon State, after struggling early. Up next: Kal tries to keep Stanford out of the Pac 12 CCG and, in fairness, they have a shot because the Cardinal have 2 awful players in their defensive backfield (#5 and #13). More likely is they get mauled by Christian McCaffrey and the ‘Furd Ogre OL.
10) Washington: The Huskies have been a 3rd quarter team all year – they went into Tempe +83 on the season in that quarter and had a 2 TD lead against a team that would’ve been challenged to call a time out without issue. But as so often happens with a freshman QB, the wheels came off in spectacular fashion and UW went back to Seattle with a scorching case of 10 losses in a row to the Sun Devils. I doubt they make an ointment for that, but the Huskies should order it by the case if they do. Up next: Relief in the form of every team’s favorite roadie – at least this season – to Corvallis.
11) Colorado: Close but no cigar, Buffs. Or, since it’s Colorado, should I say, “Close but no blunt”? Jokes aside, CU is no longer the punchline they’ve been since entering the conference, but that doesn’t mean they’re any good either. The Buffs will miss Sefo Liufau, but they still have an opportunity to shine their turd of a season if they can jump up and beat one of their final 2 opponents. Up next: The ZombieFest late game in Pullman almost assures nobody with a pulse will know who won this game until Sunday morning. It’s entirely possible nobody will be curious to check until the middle of next week.
12) Oregon State: Kal beat the Beavers so bad, Donald Trump’s hair almost didn’t show up for work in protest. Yep, I’m officially almost out of Beaver jokes. Not much else to say about a team that’s ranked in triple digits (that’s 100+ for those of you with a furrowed brow, working your fingers) in most major offensive and defensive categories. Oregon State is a five-alarm dumpster fire. Mike Riley has gasoline and sulfur residue on his fingertips and Gary Andersen doesn’t seem to know where they keep the one extinguisher in Corvallis. Up next: The Beavs host UW in a game that league and school officials should consider canceling, due to lack of interest and/or importance. Seriously.
13) The whole conference: Sure Oregon and ‘Zona feel great about their respective wins Saturday, but those W’s came at the expense of the conference. No Pac 12 team will even be in the Playoff discussion for the 3 weeks before conference champions are crowned. That’s monumentally bad.
1) Stanford: You can chalk it up to parity or you can face facts: The Pac 12 just doesn’t have a CFB Playoff-worthy team this year. The Tree probably should have been tagged with a loss at Wazzu two weeks back, but even Pac 12 refs couldn’t save them from a loss to the Ducks this week. Once again, Stanford looked merely pedestrian in a game they penciled in as a win on their way to the playoffs several weeks ago. David Shaw will contemplate many scenarios over the off-season, including what might have been if the Cardinal hadn’t put the ball on the ground two times late in the game on QB-center exchanges. Up next: Kal visits Palo Alto for the Big Game rivalry – will they face a pissed off or sulking ‘Furd? Will it matter?
2) Oregon: Who ordered the Duck Flambé? The Quack Attack caught fire in the closing moments in Tempe, two weeks ago, pulling off a couple improbable wins since then. This is the UO team most people expected to see from the get go. In a stark contrast of styles, explosive quick strikes outlasted the ‘Furd Grinder, launching them into sudden North contention. It’s probably too little, too late for the Ducks to win the division but they’re hitting on (almost) all cylinders down the stretch and their D has been good enough to keep them hot. Up next: Uniform combo is probably the team’s biggest question mark in Eugene this week as the Trojans limp into town.
3) Wazzu: The Pirate deserves worse because I almost had to re-shuffle my ranking after midnight, when he Coug’d the game – up 5, in scoring position and he dials up a deep ball that got picked? Wazzu almost lost by a Nose, but managed to stun the Bruins in dramatic fashion behind the arm of SuperSoph Luke Falk. In most seasons, the Cougs would be fighting for bowl eligibility but in a year where the Pac 12 is circling the sewer drain, the Palouse Posse is the third best team and conference power rests solidly in the North once again. Can Leach use this season to vault into a higher-profile job? Oh, the drama. Up next: Cougs host a CU squad that just can’t seem to finish games but has made several teams sweat out a victory.
4) USC: Speaking of sweating out a close one against the Buffs, the Trojans must’ve thought a Friday night game meant they should play like high schoolers. Very few teams can say they overcame a 14-point deficit to CU because very, very few teams have found themselves in that position for many, many years. USC should quit relying on extreme talent advantages to win the game or they might be stuck on 7 wins for a while. Like 10 more months. A stiffening schedule and banged up big bodies doesn’t usually add up to success – even for teams that execute properly. Up next: Will the Trojans see a solid effort or a bunch of neon blurs in Oregon this week? Pass the Visene.
5) tie – Utah: I, and anyone with a ranking anywhere, have been waiting all season to justifiably downgrade the Utards. Imagine my mortification when it comes at the benefit of Truckstop U, but such has been the entirety of the 2015 Pac 12 season – a kiss on the lips followed quickly by a sharp knee to the groin. Travis Wilson looked downright feeble in the 4th quarter and OT periods against the Wildcats. That Kyle Whittingham chose to run a dinged-up Devontae Booker laterally instead of inside against a decimated ‘Zona defense is a head-scratcher. Still, the Utes had a chance to win on two drives late but choked it away on a fumble and a dropped pass. Down the stretch depth issues that have plagued Utah their entire Pac existence are creeping up in the form of tired legs and it could be a rough finish. Up next: Bruins come to SLC, where the Utards are much tougher, in a game both squads need to stay in the South race.
5) tie – UCLA: The Bruins are the Cheese Nips of the Pac 12. The ingredients should add up to something better than they are. It’s hard to decipher where exactly things went off the tracks but you’re just left with a greasy aftertaste. I wonder if that nasty flavor is the reason for Jim Mora Jr.’s constant scowl or if he practices for hours in front of a mirror. Sure, PermaScowl could blame losses on Ishmael Adams (who re-instated that guy to the team anyway?) or key injuries but since those happened months ago, it may just be that UCLA lacks synergy. They sure do have a good FG kicker, though. Up next: Pac 12 roadies are tough, but the Bruins are actually better away from Pasadena. Not sure if that applies to a place like Utah, with a tough home crowd. Jeez, I hope Mora doesn’t have to look into the sun again!
7) tie – ASU: As if the previous 9 games weren’t enough of an indication, you know it’s not your year when 2 defensive starters are lost for the game on a single play. Despite trailing 17-0, the Sun Devils found their second-half groove against the Huskies, but they’ve been unable to sustain momentum all season long. Up next: A year removed from deciding the South title, the 2015 Territorial Cup game is an Ugly Contest. There’s no glory to be had this year, even for the winners. To the victor goes sole possession of 7th place in my ranking. Hooray.
7) tie – Truckstop U: Meth production down in the Old Pueblo must be on the increase, both in quantity and quality – otherwise it’s really difficult to explain the ‘Cats ability to keep it close vs. USC and shock Utah. Maybe Rich Rod realized he’s not going to be a candidate for any of the good job openings and started trying again. In any case, the kittens are bowl eligible and looking to keep their big brothers from doing the same in the conference’s nastiest rivalry. Up next: Truckstoppers take a break from cleaning out the slurpee machines to head up the I-10 – any excuse to get out of Tucson is a treat.
7) tie – Kal: Sorry if this seems like a cop out but I don’t have anything good to say about the Baby Bears, so I’ll just stick to facts. Sonny Dykes isn’t a very good head coach but Jared Goff is a really good QB. He’s great against terrible teams. That’s why he was brilliant against Oregon State, after struggling early. Up next: Kal tries to keep Stanford out of the Pac 12 CCG and, in fairness, they have a shot because the Cardinal have 2 awful players in their defensive backfield (#5 and #13). More likely is they get mauled by Christian McCaffrey and the ‘Furd Ogre OL.
10) Washington: The Huskies have been a 3rd quarter team all year – they went into Tempe +83 on the season in that quarter and had a 2 TD lead against a team that would’ve been challenged to call a time out without issue. But as so often happens with a freshman QB, the wheels came off in spectacular fashion and UW went back to Seattle with a scorching case of 10 losses in a row to the Sun Devils. I doubt they make an ointment for that, but the Huskies should order it by the case if they do. Up next: Relief in the form of every team’s favorite roadie – at least this season – to Corvallis.
11) Colorado: Close but no cigar, Buffs. Or, since it’s Colorado, should I say, “Close but no blunt”? Jokes aside, CU is no longer the punchline they’ve been since entering the conference, but that doesn’t mean they’re any good either. The Buffs will miss Sefo Liufau, but they still have an opportunity to shine their turd of a season if they can jump up and beat one of their final 2 opponents. Up next: The ZombieFest late game in Pullman almost assures nobody with a pulse will know who won this game until Sunday morning. It’s entirely possible nobody will be curious to check until the middle of next week.
12) Oregon State: Kal beat the Beavers so bad, Donald Trump’s hair almost didn’t show up for work in protest. Yep, I’m officially almost out of Beaver jokes. Not much else to say about a team that’s ranked in triple digits (that’s 100+ for those of you with a furrowed brow, working your fingers) in most major offensive and defensive categories. Oregon State is a five-alarm dumpster fire. Mike Riley has gasoline and sulfur residue on his fingertips and Gary Andersen doesn’t seem to know where they keep the one extinguisher in Corvallis. Up next: The Beavs host UW in a game that league and school officials should consider canceling, due to lack of interest and/or importance. Seriously.
13) The whole conference: Sure Oregon and ‘Zona feel great about their respective wins Saturday, but those W’s came at the expense of the conference. No Pac 12 team will even be in the Playoff discussion for the 3 weeks before conference champions are crowned. That’s monumentally bad.
