My take on the Pac 12 standings. You are free to take issue, exception and/or offense, but PLEASE, no wagering! 
1) Stanford: The Northwestern loss looks like a bigger liability with each passing week, but the Cardinal jump to #1 anyway this week. The deciding factor in why the Trees get the nod over the Utes is because of how they absolutely annihilated UCLA, not because I’m butthurt over Utah beating my beloved Sun Devils. Really. Seriously, that’s not why. And even if it was the reason, which it really isn’t - it’s my damn ranking, so pack sand. I rank who I want, where I want. Also, McCaffrey is a straight beast. Up next: Stanford hosts a gimpy Husky squad and David Shaw has warned the rest of the league that the beatings will continue until morale improves.
2) Utah: F those Utes. Although the final score made it look like an ass kicking, the pucker factor was huge in SLC on Saturday – ASU leading by 4 with the football in the 4th quarter. But scoring 20 unanswered points tends to make you feel good. Utah might not be for real, but they’re real enough through 6 games. I still think depth will drag them down before the end of the year, but they play hard and, mostly, smart. Up next: Roadie at USC means they’ll be outmatched physically, but probably not mentally. And certainly not from a coaching standpoint.
3) Kal: A bye week was enough to solidify their #3 spot, what with UCLA and ASU getting their asses beat (Screw the Utes) but they’re another team that I think is a first half mirage, waiting to flounder. They’re 5-1 at the turn and looking good, but they face 5 teams that could easily beat them in the stretch run. Depth and defenses will get their test and I think they’ll come up short. Up next: Roadie to Pasadena… Remember 1958? Nobody does. And these Baby Bears are getting their last trip to the Rose Bowl until 2017.
4) fUtah
5) ASU: They had a stingy defense. They had good special teams. Hopefully a missing persons report has been filed on the offense – they’ve had some weak performances this year, but their loss against Utah was brutal. It didn’t help matters that starting RB Demario Richard was sidelined, but WRs dropping balls, a mostly ineffective QB, poor play selection and an OL that looked like it is patchwork, (but really was the season-long starters) make you wonder how the Sun Devils score. Ever. Seriously, they look inept. Up next: Everybody’s friend, Bye, provides ASU with a chance to get healthy and an opportunity for receivers to learn how to catch.
6) tie – USC: Against Notre Dame, the Trojans showed playmaking ability everyone already knew they possessed and heart people probably doubted. That resolve will be tested since their season aspirations are cooked, their head coach was fired for going on a bender, their… wait. Do I even need to go on? Do they? I guess.We will see if the talent on defense can be assembled to keep from giving up so many points. We will see if Clay Helton realizes the Trojans might not ever need to throw – or at least not farther than 5 yards down the field and then watch their players make plays. We will see what the Trojans bring to the table assuming a week without major distractions and a tough opponent coming to town. Up next: Trojans host the Utards… fawk those guys! I wish for a double loss.
6) tie – Oregon: Credit to the Ducks who have picked themselves up off the mat after such a stunning fall from grace – penthouse to the outhouse. I guess there are 3 certainties in life – death, taxes and Oregon beating UW. Even though the Ducks got creative (read: dumb as an under-educated box of rocks, not your typical box of rocks, mind you) with “clock management” when they should have been able to milk the clock to almost nothing, and even though they’ve had (by their standards) a disastrous season with 3 losses in the first 6 games, they were able to get the win in Seattle. Up next: After a Bye,it’s another team they’ve beaten like a drum with the regularity usually reserved for indie rock debut albums, ASU.
7) UCLA: The Bruins are a team that clearly belongs in the top half of the rankings, but if their defenders are going to quit mid-game, the power rankings can quit on them. Josh Rosen is going to be really good, but it might not make much of a difference this season. UCLA isn’t the only team that has suffered injuries, but they kind of act like it. Noel Mazzone deserves a poor grade for his offense (I’m thinking F as in “Fired” or “Finished” or even “Fawking Brutal”) because the sum is somehow less than its parts. He’s squandering talent and their OL holds a lot, which doesn’t help. Well, it does help… the opposing team. Up next: Jim Mora Jr is thrilled to host Kal on a Thursday night because he’s down with the weekday games. If the Bruins lose, they might be the bigger spectacle to watch in LA.
8) tie – Wazzu: The Fighting Pirates are trying to sneak up on conference foes. Smart to disguise themselves as a team that lost to Portland State (Portland still not a state at time of publishing) but wins against the Oregon schools have peoples’ attention. Also, one-dimensional teams don’t really have the luxury (or ability) of trying to be sneaky. They are who they are and sometimes that’s enough, but mostly it will get them beat and sent to the bottom half of the standings. Up next: Cougs wonder what wrongs they have committed since they have to travel to Tucson, but at least they’ll face a team that gave up 340 passing yards to Colorado.
8) tie – Truckstop U: Hard to say what it is that bugs me most about the kittens this season. No it isn’t – it’s Rich Rodriguez. He berates his QB, plays his hurt star LB (who subsequently got injured again) and doesn’t seem to care about defense. And, he coaches my rival team, so there’s that. The Truckstoppers had a prime opportunity to be Colorado’s first conference win in what seems like forever, but they screwed it up by winning. Oh well. Plenty of losses ahead for them as games against the league pansies have already been won. Up next: They settle who is really the 8th best team in the Pac 12 by hosting Wazzu in a football game that will probably make a better track meet.
8) tie – Washington: The Huskies are too Jeckyll and Hyde to be any good this season. Sure, they’re good for cutting the throat of a streetwalker (I’ll let you all take a stab at who that might be) but then they cannot win against struggling teams even in their own place. Now it looks like Jake Browning might have an injured shoulder. That’s bad news for UW as the schedule only gets rougher. Up next: Stanford. If I were Jake, I’d pull a Rodney Dangerfield, “Oh my arm, I think it’s broken!” He won’t be enough to help anyway and the Cardinal might tear him limb from limb.
11) Colorado: They allowed Arizona to escape Boulder, but it’s apparent the Buffs are at least a threat. At home, anyway. Maybe some snow would help, but probably not. Their defense should try renting a snow machine to at least slow down other teams because Jim Leavitt’s scheme isn’t doing the trick. Up next: A roadie to the only place in the league they have a chance to win, Corvallis.
12) Oregon State: The Beavs got their doors blown off by the Cougs, down 45-17, and gave up over 500 yards of offense, IN THE FIRST HALF. Let that sink in for a minute. Not much else to say, really, other than they did not quit. They were able to mount a comeback so they’d only lose by 3 TDs. You can’t make this stuff up. Up next: The Beavers can prove they’re the worst team in the league if they lose to the Buffs at Reser. I don’t need to wait a week to make that judgment.
1) Stanford: The Northwestern loss looks like a bigger liability with each passing week, but the Cardinal jump to #1 anyway this week. The deciding factor in why the Trees get the nod over the Utes is because of how they absolutely annihilated UCLA, not because I’m butthurt over Utah beating my beloved Sun Devils. Really. Seriously, that’s not why. And even if it was the reason, which it really isn’t - it’s my damn ranking, so pack sand. I rank who I want, where I want. Also, McCaffrey is a straight beast. Up next: Stanford hosts a gimpy Husky squad and David Shaw has warned the rest of the league that the beatings will continue until morale improves.
2) Utah: F those Utes. Although the final score made it look like an ass kicking, the pucker factor was huge in SLC on Saturday – ASU leading by 4 with the football in the 4th quarter. But scoring 20 unanswered points tends to make you feel good. Utah might not be for real, but they’re real enough through 6 games. I still think depth will drag them down before the end of the year, but they play hard and, mostly, smart. Up next: Roadie at USC means they’ll be outmatched physically, but probably not mentally. And certainly not from a coaching standpoint.
3) Kal: A bye week was enough to solidify their #3 spot, what with UCLA and ASU getting their asses beat (Screw the Utes) but they’re another team that I think is a first half mirage, waiting to flounder. They’re 5-1 at the turn and looking good, but they face 5 teams that could easily beat them in the stretch run. Depth and defenses will get their test and I think they’ll come up short. Up next: Roadie to Pasadena… Remember 1958? Nobody does. And these Baby Bears are getting their last trip to the Rose Bowl until 2017.
4) fUtah
5) ASU: They had a stingy defense. They had good special teams. Hopefully a missing persons report has been filed on the offense – they’ve had some weak performances this year, but their loss against Utah was brutal. It didn’t help matters that starting RB Demario Richard was sidelined, but WRs dropping balls, a mostly ineffective QB, poor play selection and an OL that looked like it is patchwork, (but really was the season-long starters) make you wonder how the Sun Devils score. Ever. Seriously, they look inept. Up next: Everybody’s friend, Bye, provides ASU with a chance to get healthy and an opportunity for receivers to learn how to catch.
6) tie – USC: Against Notre Dame, the Trojans showed playmaking ability everyone already knew they possessed and heart people probably doubted. That resolve will be tested since their season aspirations are cooked, their head coach was fired for going on a bender, their… wait. Do I even need to go on? Do they? I guess.We will see if the talent on defense can be assembled to keep from giving up so many points. We will see if Clay Helton realizes the Trojans might not ever need to throw – or at least not farther than 5 yards down the field and then watch their players make plays. We will see what the Trojans bring to the table assuming a week without major distractions and a tough opponent coming to town. Up next: Trojans host the Utards… fawk those guys! I wish for a double loss.
6) tie – Oregon: Credit to the Ducks who have picked themselves up off the mat after such a stunning fall from grace – penthouse to the outhouse. I guess there are 3 certainties in life – death, taxes and Oregon beating UW. Even though the Ducks got creative (read: dumb as an under-educated box of rocks, not your typical box of rocks, mind you) with “clock management” when they should have been able to milk the clock to almost nothing, and even though they’ve had (by their standards) a disastrous season with 3 losses in the first 6 games, they were able to get the win in Seattle. Up next: After a Bye,it’s another team they’ve beaten like a drum with the regularity usually reserved for indie rock debut albums, ASU.
7) UCLA: The Bruins are a team that clearly belongs in the top half of the rankings, but if their defenders are going to quit mid-game, the power rankings can quit on them. Josh Rosen is going to be really good, but it might not make much of a difference this season. UCLA isn’t the only team that has suffered injuries, but they kind of act like it. Noel Mazzone deserves a poor grade for his offense (I’m thinking F as in “Fired” or “Finished” or even “Fawking Brutal”) because the sum is somehow less than its parts. He’s squandering talent and their OL holds a lot, which doesn’t help. Well, it does help… the opposing team. Up next: Jim Mora Jr is thrilled to host Kal on a Thursday night because he’s down with the weekday games. If the Bruins lose, they might be the bigger spectacle to watch in LA.
8) tie – Wazzu: The Fighting Pirates are trying to sneak up on conference foes. Smart to disguise themselves as a team that lost to Portland State (Portland still not a state at time of publishing) but wins against the Oregon schools have peoples’ attention. Also, one-dimensional teams don’t really have the luxury (or ability) of trying to be sneaky. They are who they are and sometimes that’s enough, but mostly it will get them beat and sent to the bottom half of the standings. Up next: Cougs wonder what wrongs they have committed since they have to travel to Tucson, but at least they’ll face a team that gave up 340 passing yards to Colorado.
8) tie – Truckstop U: Hard to say what it is that bugs me most about the kittens this season. No it isn’t – it’s Rich Rodriguez. He berates his QB, plays his hurt star LB (who subsequently got injured again) and doesn’t seem to care about defense. And, he coaches my rival team, so there’s that. The Truckstoppers had a prime opportunity to be Colorado’s first conference win in what seems like forever, but they screwed it up by winning. Oh well. Plenty of losses ahead for them as games against the league pansies have already been won. Up next: They settle who is really the 8th best team in the Pac 12 by hosting Wazzu in a football game that will probably make a better track meet.
8) tie – Washington: The Huskies are too Jeckyll and Hyde to be any good this season. Sure, they’re good for cutting the throat of a streetwalker (I’ll let you all take a stab at who that might be) but then they cannot win against struggling teams even in their own place. Now it looks like Jake Browning might have an injured shoulder. That’s bad news for UW as the schedule only gets rougher. Up next: Stanford. If I were Jake, I’d pull a Rodney Dangerfield, “Oh my arm, I think it’s broken!” He won’t be enough to help anyway and the Cardinal might tear him limb from limb.
11) Colorado: They allowed Arizona to escape Boulder, but it’s apparent the Buffs are at least a threat. At home, anyway. Maybe some snow would help, but probably not. Their defense should try renting a snow machine to at least slow down other teams because Jim Leavitt’s scheme isn’t doing the trick. Up next: A roadie to the only place in the league they have a chance to win, Corvallis.
12) Oregon State: The Beavs got their doors blown off by the Cougs, down 45-17, and gave up over 500 yards of offense, IN THE FIRST HALF. Let that sink in for a minute. Not much else to say, really, other than they did not quit. They were able to mount a comeback so they’d only lose by 3 TDs. You can’t make this stuff up. Up next: The Beavers can prove they’re the worst team in the league if they lose to the Buffs at Reser. I don’t need to wait a week to make that judgment.
