It's been a while but I think it's time for a visit from our old buddy Spaknac the Magnificent, the distant cousin of Johnny Carson's Carnac the Magnificent. The wise old soothsayer will regale us with a unique look of what's going on with Sun Devil nation, the Pac-12, and the college football scene in general.
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ED: Greeting oh wise one. We are humbled once more by your presence.
SPARKNAC: Zim zaladim. It has been many moons he whose breath would stun a yak
ED: It has been. We are happy you are here to join us once more.
SPARKNAC: Sparknac is happy that it's college football season again. Mrs. Sparknac however would disagree.
ED: I hold in my hands the envelopes. As any child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnell's porch since noon today. No one and I mean NO ONE knows the contents of these envelopes, but YOU, through your mystical and borderline divine ways will know the answers to these questions without ever having seen the questions.
SPARKNAC: I suppose it is something to do until September 5th rolls around.
(Sparknac holds envelope to head)
"Fall camp"
(Opens envelope)
When do Wildcat fans start changing the subject to basketball?
"Ray Anderson, Gregory House, and the average au fan"
Name an 'AD', an 'MD', and someone with 'ADHD'.
"Four on the floor"
What will be the nickname of au's offensive line this year?
"Jersey Shore and Sarkisian's Pac-12 Media Day interview."
Name two of the douchiest programs ever aired on television.
"A ship sinking, a plane crashing, and ASU introducing a new uniform"
What are three events likely to induce mass panic?
"Adidas"
What does a guy have to show to prove he owns a "house-as"?
AUDIENCE: Booooooooo!!!
SPARKNAC: May Texas A&M try to poach your highly rated sister
(audience laughter)
"Skywalker, ASU's Bowl Conquest, and au winning the south last year"
Name a "Luke, a Duke, and a fluke."
"Catch-22"
What will Christian Kirk do when Kyle Allen throws him the ball 100 times?
"An open liquor store, an electric car, and an ecstatic Aggie fan"
Name three things you won't find in Houston on the morning of Sunday September 6th
"High Noon"
What do you call it when Kadeem Carey and Samanje Grant get together for lunch?
"A Guy Sells a Rolex on the Street and an au four star recruit microwaves a hot pocket."
Name two instances likely involving stolen merchandise.
ED: I hold in my hands....the LAST envelope
AUDIENCE: YAAAAAAYYYYY
SPARKNAC: May Mo Latu bench press your aunt forty-eight times
(Holds envelope to head)
"A meth lab, a coal company, and Rich Rodriguez"
Name three thing you're likely to see in West Virginia next year.
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ED: Greeting oh wise one. We are humbled once more by your presence.
SPARKNAC: Zim zaladim. It has been many moons he whose breath would stun a yak
ED: It has been. We are happy you are here to join us once more.
SPARKNAC: Sparknac is happy that it's college football season again. Mrs. Sparknac however would disagree.
ED: I hold in my hands the envelopes. As any child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnell's porch since noon today. No one and I mean NO ONE knows the contents of these envelopes, but YOU, through your mystical and borderline divine ways will know the answers to these questions without ever having seen the questions.
SPARKNAC: I suppose it is something to do until September 5th rolls around.
(Sparknac holds envelope to head)
"Fall camp"
(Opens envelope)
When do Wildcat fans start changing the subject to basketball?
"Ray Anderson, Gregory House, and the average au fan"
Name an 'AD', an 'MD', and someone with 'ADHD'.
"Four on the floor"
What will be the nickname of au's offensive line this year?
"Jersey Shore and Sarkisian's Pac-12 Media Day interview."
Name two of the douchiest programs ever aired on television.
"A ship sinking, a plane crashing, and ASU introducing a new uniform"
What are three events likely to induce mass panic?
"Adidas"
What does a guy have to show to prove he owns a "house-as"?
AUDIENCE: Booooooooo!!!
SPARKNAC: May Texas A&M try to poach your highly rated sister
(audience laughter)
"Skywalker, ASU's Bowl Conquest, and au winning the south last year"
Name a "Luke, a Duke, and a fluke."
"Catch-22"
What will Christian Kirk do when Kyle Allen throws him the ball 100 times?
"An open liquor store, an electric car, and an ecstatic Aggie fan"
Name three things you won't find in Houston on the morning of Sunday September 6th
"High Noon"
What do you call it when Kadeem Carey and Samanje Grant get together for lunch?
"A Guy Sells a Rolex on the Street and an au four star recruit microwaves a hot pocket."
Name two instances likely involving stolen merchandise.
ED: I hold in my hands....the LAST envelope
AUDIENCE: YAAAAAAYYYYY
SPARKNAC: May Mo Latu bench press your aunt forty-eight times
(Holds envelope to head)
"A meth lab, a coal company, and Rich Rodriguez"
Name three thing you're likely to see in West Virginia next year.
